its just so hard.

The news didnt really sink in then. but now it has, after spending more time with him. i realised, how time passes by so quick. after hearing every word he got to say... i dont feel like leaving anymore. he was the first person i thought of when i heard the news. so many questions ran through my mind like a bullet train. i couldnt find a single answer to it. my heart beats so fast. so nervous so confused. simply so afraid. the distance it would be... its just so hard. having to part... its just so hard. telling him everything...it was really hard. even how supportive he was. there was a part of him feeling reluctant. even how thankful i was... there was a part of me not wanting to go. not wanting to let go. how much he doesnt want to lose me. i dont want to lose him even more. how would it be? 3 years. simply too short? or too long? anything can happen. everyone knows that. but that anything, what would it be? i dont want us to be over too fast. i dont want us to be over ever. even if i have to leave... i really wanna be back in his arms when i return. i dont wanna return with some other guy holding me. no i dont. even if i have to leave... i really wanna be in his arms. i wanna be his. only his. every night and every day i pray so hard that we would last. cos simply put, i love him so much. and so...i dont wanna think about it now. i dont wanna even remember that i might be leaving in 3 years time. i dont wanna. all i wanna tink about is...for us to love each other more each day. for us to grow stronger each second. cos then, i would be sure that whatever happens, i'll still be yours at the end of the day. and you'll be mine. god's willing.

i love you.