i cant stand this pain...really.

i tried my best to cheer myself up. i tried to listen to all those advices that came pouring in. i tried to be happy and look on the bright side of life..knowing there are people who cares. even those unexpected few. but the pain is just unbearable. i was all fine after chatting my sorrows away yesterday night...but the moment i off-ed this laptop of mine, i sat there crying my eyes out. i lay down on my bed and cried even harder. and eventually falling asleep with my pillows drenched in tears.

why was i so stupid to have trusted him so fast? why did i allow him to crush my heart this badly? why did i believe every single sweet things he said? why did i allow him to do this to me? i am simply at a lost right now. was it my fault to have believed him? or was it his fault to have lied to me? i held on to that hope...hoping that the reason for him being away was cause of something that is reasonable. but to actually be because he is attached to someone else now...after all those promises we made to each other? where is the fairness in the world? and he simply wants me to forget about him? how am i supposed to do so when he was the one who picked me up when i was in need of someone to prove to me that not all guys are the same? when everything crumbled down and life seems so hopeless, he seems like that ray of hope god sent to me to pick myself up. but why must he be the one that hurts me so bad and totally break my heart cruelly?

the last time i felt this hurtful was the break up last year in december. after that, nothing else was as hurtful. to me, boys just come and go ... they mean almost nothing cos i dont trust the words they said. i told myself to NEVER trust a guy fully and entirely. i told myself to NEVER love fully again. but when he came into my life, i was all ready and prepared to love fully. to finally mean all the love i said. to finally open up my heart to love someone new all over again. he said so many sweet things. that touched my heart, that captured myheart so perfectly. so beautifully. i thought...he would be the one that would stand by my side through it all. and yet, i was ultimately wrong.

my heart wasnt even a whole when i gave it to him. when i entrusted him with it. but then, he crushed it and broke it soo cruelly. now what is left? i simply dunnoe. i dunnoe wad to do! i want to forget about him. delete all those sweet nothings he sent me...those words that are just said to impressed. which means nothing. but i cant seem to press that delete button. cos somewhere deep down in my heart...i am yes undeniably still loving him. still hoping and yearning and wanting him. i promised him once i will try my best not to hurt him. i was soo afraid of hurting him. but yet, he is the one who hurt me instead now.

what shud i do now? i feel soo down...i cant believe this is happening to me. well i guess, he is so sweet. too much of sweetness, can kill u. and he just did.

i lost all hope.